| And Yet I Am The Seed. |
[Saturday | 0:24 am | July 31st] |
And I love you. baby, I love you, You are my life, My happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side. I see my relation in opur connection to the sun. With you next to me There's mp darkness I can't overcome. You are this rain drop and I am this seed You and God are the sunlight inside of me. Baby,I was so proud, so proud to be your girl because you made this confusion go away in this cold and lonely world.
And i'm so sorry that I put you through that, B. I loved you and still do and if there is a God, let's hope that he sees what really, is meant to be. So that someday you will be with me again. I am yours. Just like sophomore year, B., I am yours and will forever be. Nothing, not even the power which keeps us breathing, can stop me from being with you. Don't let me go. I'll never leave just keep loving me the way you know you love loving me.
love your boo
|
|
| And It Goes Like. |
[Sunday | 1:23 am | July 11th] |
And then she wished upon a star that wasn't her own anymore that all of this could just go away. Just desperately needing for it all to be
over and yet it(itself) hasn't even begun.
And he said, " nothing good comes easily, and sometimes you've got to fight." And it's sometimes so hard to give up things that have became you.
B. I've gotta tell you some things.
7:53--
|
|
|
[Saturday | 22:10 pm | July 10th] |
Smoke killer herb until my lungs collapse. Trying to get by, but trying to get high. Check your bitch, Mister, check your bitch quick before she fuck around and do some drastic shit.
I'm on a Mexican Radio.......I-OH!!!
Represent that.
Rolling through life like a tumbleweed.
Trying
to
dodge
.death. a n d t r y i n t o d o d g e j a i l.
Rip another bud from the fat ass DIME.
|
|
| Everyday.Pay No Mind. |
[Friday | 22:04 pm | July 9th] |
Left to right. Up and DOWN love. Everyday. Alll you need is love. Pick Me Up Love. When I can no longer seem to walk.
Show me the way, love, when I don't know how to get there.
Hold my hand when the world wants to take me away.
EVERYDAY.
|
|
| Oh, Say It Again, love. |
[Friday | 21:43 pm | July 9th] |
When the world ends
Collect your things
You’re coming with me
When the world ends
You tuckle up yourself with me
Watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
The day the world is over
We’ll be lying in bed
I’m gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building’s crumble
Float there and watch it all
Amidst the burning, we’ll be churning
You know, love will be our wings
The passion rises up from the ashes
When the world ends
When the world ends
You’re gonna come with me
We’re going to be crazy
Like a river bends
We’re going to float
Through the criss cross of the mountains
Watch them fade to nothing
When the world ends
You know that’s what’s happening now
I’m going to be there with you somehow, oh...
I’m going to tie you up like a baby in a carriage car
Your legs won’t work cause you want me so
You just lie spread to the wall
The love you got is surely
All the love that I would ever need
I’m going to take you by my side
And love you tall, ‘til the world ends
Oh, but don’t you worry about a thing
No, 'cause I got you here with me
Don’t you worry about a
Just you and me
Floating through the empty, empty
Just you and me
Oh, graces
Oh, grace
Oh, when the world ends
We’ll be burning one
When the world ends
We’ll be sweet makin love
Oh, you know when the world ends
I’m going to take you aside and say
Let’s watch it fade away, fade away
And the world’s done
Ours just begun
It's done
Ours just begun
We’re gonna dive into the emptiness
We'll be swimming
I’m going to walk you through the pathless roads
I’m going to take you to the top of the mountain that’s no longer there
I’m going to take you to bed and love you, I swear
Like the end is here
I’m going to take you up to
I’m going to take you down on you
I’m going to hold you like an angel, angel
I’m going to love you
I’m going to love you
When the world ends
I’m going to hold you
When the world is over
We’ll just be beginning...
|
|
| When The World Ends. |
[Thursday | 18:32 pm | July 8th] |
I will rock you like a baby, love
When the cities, they fall.
We will watch the mountains crumble
As though the wind blew them down.
We will walk amongst the stars, doll
As we watch it all.
I can hold your hand, if you like
Do you feel better now?
I will teach you what it takes
To let it fall down.
|
|
| Whispers. |
[Tuesday | 0:22 am | July 6th] |
and she walked upon the beach with the calm waves breaking at her feet she looked upon the ground and the sand seemed such a lonely sight...so she laid upon it...and became one with it. The sand just seemed to eat her up...all of the parts that weren't being shone on by the moon. And she looked up at the stars and decided, while listening to them whisper to each other, that they were talking about her. And she must be such a special Goddess that even the stars cannot get enough of her. At night while she sleeps they entangle her and watch her every move. every breath. Just trying so hard to figure out what it is, exactly, that makes this girl so beautiful, it hurts to watch her walk alone without you. One day as the stars were watching upon her they noticed a slight twitch upon her mouth. A sort of spasmic burst of movement upon the right crescent of her lips. And the stars lit up with a joy that no one in the mortal world could possibly understand. They knew now that they shouldn't be upset for the starchild. She was merely waiting for her God to come and sweep her away to live amongst them.
.be happy for this moment.this moment is your life.
|
|
| Taking Breath Away...Gasp by Gasp... |
[Sunday | 1:34 am | June 27th] |
|
And it became blatantly apparent. Like a scar that you know will be hidden to everybody but you for the rest of your life. I'm going to have to bend before I go. I long so much to be alone with my thoughts so that maybe I could get them straight in my own mind. Because, as it has turned out, i've almost lost it. To the world that i'm living in.
|
|
| Phillip.... |
[Wednesday | 19:03 pm | June 23rd] |
|
Tickling is dangerous because I hurt myself...
--said the lush
|
|
| Champagne Romance. |
[Saturday | 15:16 pm | June 19th] |
And while she slept she became, it seemed, the most beautiful creature upon the earth. It was as though the night enveloped her and all her beauty and took her to a place far, far away. A place that no one can know about until the night takes you there, and the Wendy just so happened to contain all the beauty she needed to get herself there and back. And, even though we could all see her beauty, the nighttime was the only thing that could see her in all of her beauty...during her dreams. And so the night had come to take the Wendy to a place that only those that carry the beauty can ever see. It is full of enchantment, and love stories, and a beauty that has never been and never will be bestowed upon the mortal earth. But, the Wendy took full advantage of this. She tried so hard to remember every detail down to the tiniest flowers so that she could tell all of her lost boys and her Peter about this place. Because the Wendy knew that Peter was just as beautiful as she and if she told him what it looked like, perhaps he and she could fly away there together every night and have the most peace-bringing dreams of their lives together. So she hoped, but the Wendy also knew that Love Stories End. and she hoped this was not one of them.
--lustfulwennie
|
|
| Somehow, You'll Just Know. |
[Wednesday | 14:04 pm | June 16th] |
The Wendy decided that the reason she knew she was in love with Peter was because after all the time she'd spent with him and the Lost Boys in the Neverland she was afraid to go to sleep because, reality had become so much better than her dreams. She'd dreamt of him for so long...since she was a little girl and now that she finally knew him so well she'd forgotten how much she cared. Now all she desired to do was to show him how much she loved him, which was an almost inconceivable thing to do with Peter. He could do so many things that he was quite unaware of doing and yet the Wendy couldn't show him what love was. No matter how hard she tried they would end up arguing about Peter knowing what love was and what it would do to him. And he was scared, Wendy knew. So today was the day that she decided she would just show him instead of just explaining her ideas. And what the Wendy did next could be one of the most beautiful things she'd ever done and ever would do. And it was completely worth the wait, she thought. Now all she could hope for was that he would feel for her what she did for him when she touched him.
You could be the Devil in my head. You could be the Angel in my bed. You could be the one voice that I hear and now i'm singing along just like your near. Because you are so beautiful beautiful in every little way.
|
|
| And All That Could've Been |
[Thursday | 0:35 am | June 10th] |
The mystery that had been bestowed upon Wendy was one that she just couldn't put out of mind. The Wendy had managed to wake up one morn with a beauty that was all her own. She didn't know where it had came from nor did she know why she'd been the one that had received it all. It seemed as though the entire world at that moment had lost all of it's beauty because it was radiating from every inch of her. And, so she thought about it and decided that she would show the beauty to the one that deserved it more than any she'd ever met. She knew this, it wasn't something she chose to do on a whim. She knew that the one boy who deserved her hidden kiss was the one that she would choose to show her beauty to. Even though we could all see it now, he was the only one who knew it had been there from the beginning. And Wendy knew this also. She also decided that she would only show it to him for she'd had so many plans for this gift that she'd been given. She wanted to tease him with it. She knew that he only wanted things he couldn't have and the Wendy decided that she would become one of those things. And so she did.
And all of these moments will fade away. Like tears, in a driving rain.
AND SO IT WAS TRUE.
--WENNIE
|
|
| MY LIFE IS A BITCH.....BUT THIS ACTUALLY PROVES... |
[Monday | 21:47 pm | May 10th] |
THAT I STILL HAVE HOPE TO BECOME THE MENACINGLY BEAUTIFUL COVETED GIRL I USED TO BE...
Joxbi: thanks
DigitalSpank: omg who are u!?!?!?
Joxbi: this is my other cousin's screenname
DigitalSpank: =D
Joxbi: I don't ever use my own....it gets old talking to the same people you see everyday...
DigitalSpank: no kidding
Joxbi: so i'm talking to a cute asshole boy who lives 75 miles away from me.
Joxbi: j/k
Joxbi: that time, sorry.
DigitalSpank: whats his name?
Joxbi: lol.
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: couldnt be me
DigitalSpank: cause i live 74 miles away
Joxbi: ha
DigitalSpank: damn girl where do u live?
Joxbi: oh it's you for sure....can I ask you a goofy question?
Joxbi: Do you inhale your cigarettes yet?
Joxbi: ;-)
DigitalSpank: i quit
DigitalSpank: but no i never did
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: nichole thinks i did tho i think =P
Joxbi: and do you remember the song by Fabolous called "so into you"
Joxbi: Nope, she knows you never inhaled it.
Joxbi: ever, apparently.
DigitalSpank: ima bad bad faker / bf
Joxbi: If I were to go take a cigarette break will you be here to flirt with when I get back? and does "bf" stand for boyfriend?
DigitalSpank: i tried to play like i did to impress her cause im gay like that but i was pretty sure she knew
DigitalSpank: no bf is bull frog
Joxbi: okay.....lol
DigitalSpank: ;-)
Joxbi: question though...
DigitalSpank: yes
DigitalSpank: woah i didnt catch the flirt with part last time around
DigitalSpank: but the answer is still yes
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: if you wanted to impress her enough by smoking ciggs why did you break up with her? I honestly haven't talked to her in such a long time, but I don't know your reasoning...only her "fuck him" side...
Joxbi: and thank you
DigitalSpank: yeah ive heard alot of that side
Joxbi: you think about my earlier question while I go smoke and you better have a good long paragraph when I get back.
Joxbi: mkay?
DigitalSpank: yes mam
Joxbi: thanks so much.
Joxbi: Sir.
DigitalSpank: i dont know theres ur paragraph hoe
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: nah ill tell u
DigitalSpank: i was 15
DigitalSpank: she was older than i was and i for one was very affraid of commitment (my nuts fault =) ) so anyway we had been apart for a month and a half b/c of my millitary school and when i got back i was like woah gf? EEKKKK. so i did what any other little kid would do and ran. not realising the immesnse power of my sexiness =) so she told me to fuck off and hasnt talked to me untill resently
Joxbi: okay back...but I haven't read the whole response...but the hoe part definitely makes you a liar.
DigitalSpank: i bet
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: okay....so have you matured since then
DigitalSpank: quite
Joxbi: what made you not want to get back with her? or did you get with someone else?
DigitalSpank: for a seccond i missread matured as masturbated and was like uh i do believe so
Joxbi: lol hahaha
Joxbi: that made me laugh.....hard.
Joxbi: ha
Joxbi: still laughing.....
Joxbi: loudly
DigitalSpank: my specialty =)
Joxbi: and i'm done.
Joxbi: you seem egotistical
DigitalSpank: you seem slutty
DigitalSpank: =) lol im j/p
Joxbi: you seem like an ass who....well we won't get into it.
Joxbi: and you better be just playin'
Joxbi: guess what
DigitalSpank: nah if theres one thing i can do in this world its make people laugh
Joxbi: I don't want your stacks just break my back
DigitalSpank: no finish ur sentnace lol
Joxbi: I can't
DigitalSpank: why nay?
Joxbi: i'll seem like a bitch but.
DigitalSpank: who cares its aol =)
Joxbi: ummmmm......in the least bitchy way.
Joxbi: you seem like a good guy who used to be an ass and then decided that he liked being an ass and never repaired his amends
DigitalSpank: *crys*
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: with certain kin of mine and that bothers me....it's kind of weird flirting with you.
Joxbi: especially 74/75 miles away on aol
Joxbi: so....
DigitalSpank: oh this isnt considered flirting
DigitalSpank: cybersex maybe...
DigitalSpank: flirting no
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: oh it's flirting......it's just not.....normal? maybe.
Joxbi: I don't know.
DigitalSpank: nah well if im an asshole im sorry to all that are effected by it
Joxbi: don't be.....
DigitalSpank: although ive never been called an asshole and dont think of myself as 1
Joxbi: if that's what you are.
Joxbi: you've been called an asshole....maybe not to your face but when you make people cry the first reaction that comes to mind is" My GOSH what a fucking ass" but those aren't my words....I think you're cute and funny.....and a lot of miles away
Joxbi: so you suck.
Joxbi: lots.
Joxbi: sorry.
DigitalSpank: damn
Joxbi: you just suck, you're not an ass.
DigitalSpank: thast ok
Joxbi: damn is right
Joxbi: yes thast okay.
DigitalSpank: hey
Joxbi: hello.
DigitalSpank: look home skillet!
Joxbi: yes, home fries?
DigitalSpank: i really dont have anyhting to follow that except sumthing that ends in g-buscuit
Joxbi: do you think dreads can be sexy?
DigitalSpank: on a girl??
Joxbi: g-buscuit.....I like it.
Joxbi: yeah
DigitalSpank: xtra butter
DigitalSpank: uhh cant say ive ever seen a girl with dreds
Joxbi: just asking....i'm thinking about them.
Joxbi: tomorrow maybe.
DigitalSpank: c u then
Joxbi: so.....if you don't mind my asking......
DigitalSpank: not at all
Joxbi: what do you look for in a girl NOWADAYS??
DigitalSpank: well lets see
DigitalSpank: i prefer mammals
Joxbi: mammals.....check.
DigitalSpank: oxygen bases
DigitalSpank: based
DigitalSpank: over 34 pounds
DigitalSpank: must have forehead
DigitalSpank: i really have no idea
Joxbi: i'm serious./
Joxbi: be serious with me.
Joxbi: honestly.
DigitalSpank: awww do i gotta?
Joxbi: yup....just for a second or so.
Joxbi: awwwwwww.........
DigitalSpank: ?
Joxbi: *random type-age*
DigitalSpank: age =2 years either way
Joxbi: okay
Joxbi: check.
DigitalSpank: oh wait this isa nichole comparison huh?
DigitalSpank: oh yeah im bad im bad
Joxbi: ummmm....not really
DigitalSpank: *cabage patches*
Joxbi: it's more of a nicole/kayla comparison...
DigitalSpank: oh...
Joxbi: cabbbage*
DigitalSpank: thats what i said
Joxbi: cabbage* my bad
DigitalSpank: no scrolling up
DigitalSpank: umm i typicly like girls shorter than me
Joxbi: okay well. how tall are you.....nicole probably lost that one....
Joxbi: i'm pretty short.
Joxbi: 5'3-ish
Joxbi: she's like a giant...compared to me at least.
DigitalSpank: im about 5'10
DigitalSpank: i think
Joxbi: oh....well than she's a bit shorter than you.
Joxbi: and i'm a lot shorter
DigitalSpank: facts they are
Joxbi: yes yes.
Joxbi: monkey.
DigitalSpank: i like sexy eyes of anycolor and dont care about the hair length as long as they look good
DigitalSpank: m m m m monkay
Joxbi: la la lunchbox....
Joxbi: well.....check.
Joxbi: almost my entire family is blessed with gorgeous eyes....all the kids at least.....
Joxbi: what color are your eyes
DigitalSpank: blue
DigitalSpank: nichole told me she liked them
Joxbi: compare them to something
DigitalSpank: but man ima slave to geourgous eyes
DigitalSpank: SORRY IF I SPELT IT WORNG
Joxbi: Did you like hers? Mind are, like, honey brown.....or so I like to call them.
Joxbi: and you did but it gets cuter every time you misspell something.
Joxbi: I misspelled mine....
DigitalSpank: damn i must be pretty damn cure =P
Joxbi: and said mind......mah bad.
Joxbi: cure?
Joxbi: and yes you certainly are tonight
DigitalSpank: sure damnit
Joxbi: you meant cute not sure
Joxbi: but it's okay.
DigitalSpank: =*( help me
DigitalSpank: heh heh =)
Joxbi: *large kiss*
Joxbi: :-)
DigitalSpank: why thank yes
DigitalSpank: ye
DigitalSpank: Ye ye ye ye
Joxbi: haw.
DigitalSpank: freakin ye
Joxbi: yee haw.
DigitalSpank: wooo nascar
Joxbi: yippi yo kiyay.
Joxbi: ride 'em cowboys and then whip it good.....
Joxbi: see, I humor my own self.
DigitalSpank: savea horse ride a cowboy
DigitalSpank: ewww whered i learn that
Joxbi: I don't know but it was a good one.
Joxbi: I think.
DigitalSpank: but anyway back to the prefrences
DigitalSpank: oh it was
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: mkay....preference.
DigitalSpank: letz see
Joxbi: my preferences are pretty much.....intelligence....romance....some type of cuteness...and......ummm whippped like cream.
Joxbi: ha ha
DigitalSpank: lol
DigitalSpank: well i definatly fall under teh whipped category
DigitalSpank: not sure about teh others =P
Joxbi: well, I happen to know that you can be romantic....
DigitalSpank: how so?
Joxbi: I know that you're intelligent because nicole gave you the time of day..... a lot of days...
Joxbi: and you're obviously cute because i'm still here
Joxbi: and you're romantic because I used to read nicole's old journal....and that's another thing.....
Joxbi: you have got to be, like, bi-polar or crazy or something because
Joxbi: your attitude completely changed after military school
DigitalSpank: twards nichole yes ...
Joxbi: I don't understand but okay.
DigitalSpank: as i said i was a toddeler
Joxbi: and then you grew up so why not try again.....
Joxbi: I think like a die-hard romantic though...
DigitalSpank: well...i really havent have a chance
DigitalSpank: die hard?
Joxbi: you must understand .... that's where i'm coming from.....
DigitalSpank: explain
Joxbi: I will be a romantic person until I die and nothing will change that-die hard
DigitalSpank: i c
Joxbi: and what do you mean you haven't had a chance you said
Joxbi: she started talking to you recently
DigitalSpank: IMPROPER SENTANCE STRUCTURE!
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: more misspelling.....you won't ever beat me, child.....it just can't happen
Joxbi: *sentence
Joxbi: :-)
DigitalSpank: *winper*
DigitalSpank: WIM FUCKIN PER
DigitalSpank: winper
DigitalSpank: WIMPPPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joxbi: lol
DigitalSpank: maybe i should just get ridda that finger =P
Joxbi: smile boy, it will be okay.
Joxbi: you should.
DigitalSpank: i try =*(
DigitalSpank: heh heh
Joxbi: lol
Joxbi: okay.
Joxbi: don't talk then....type then......you slow typer, you.
DigitalSpank: so where were we
Joxbi: ummmmm....hang on
DigitalSpank: listen spelly mcpiggletson ill typ at whatever speed i want
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: somewhere between preference, nicole, and no chance to try again......mcpiggleston.
Joxbi: ?
Joxbi: it's sir spellsalot
DigitalSpank: i r a clown
Joxbi: do you have a.d.d.? You get distracted by so many different conversations....focus....try.....
Joxbi: ;-)
DigitalSpank: lol im on the phone hold on lol
Joxbi: mkay
Joxbi: then focus.
DigitalSpank: ok i r off el telephonay
Joxbi: telephono....or 'ay' if you likes.
DigitalSpank: i do likes
Joxbi: okay then....i guess if you likes.
DigitalSpank: i likes lots
Joxbi: Have you seen Gothika? Remember *focus*
DigitalSpank: no i have not
DigitalSpank: was i right? =)
Joxbi: about what?
Joxbi: I'm confused.
DigitalSpank: u told me to focus
DigitalSpank: so i tried real hard to answer right
Joxbi: and you still haven't focused on the earlier conversation.
DigitalSpank: errr which 1?
Joxbi: nevermind then.
DigitalSpank: ohh cmon lol =)
Joxbi: you have it on your screen too.
Joxbi: check it up.
DigitalSpank: awwww but the up buttons all the way over there =( cant u just tell me
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: :-)
Joxbi: nope....it's all about you and what you want to talk about.....
DigitalSpank: oh ok gimme time
Joxbi: it's not that important...it's not going to change anything between you and I but i'm sure it would change some things between you and another
Joxbi: but.....i'm just interested in the way a boys mind works....and why you personally are the way you are
DigitalSpank: it dosent
DigitalSpank: hld on im scroll up
DigitalSpank: oooo ok what i liek in a girl
Joxbi: or were the way you were.....
Joxbi: no but go on.
DigitalSpank: ok im just talkin to u now u have my full attention
DigitalSpank: a guys mind dosent work
DigitalSpank: half the time
Joxbi: how's come?
DigitalSpank: and the other half hes thinking with his ballz
DigitalSpank: or heavily influenced by them
Joxbi: why do you boys do that? You usually lose so much because of something so dumb....
DigitalSpank: we dont try too =(
DigitalSpank: it just kinda takes us over
Joxbi: is it worth it in the end?
Joxbi: you personally?
DigitalSpank: very mich so
Joxbi: wow.
Joxbi: bad answer.
Joxbi: but way to be honest...:-)
DigitalSpank: oh wait is what worth it?
DigitalSpank: ohh i thoguth u meant the relationships
Joxbi: thinking with your balls and losing things that were once important to you but then apparently your balls decide that it's not
Joxbi: is THAT worth it.
DigitalSpank: not even a lil
Joxbi: okay so next question.
DigitalSpank: for 200
Joxbi: are you prepared? ;-)
Joxbi: no this is definitely an 800
DigitalSpank: oh indeed i am
Joxbi: way more than 200
Joxbi: why, when you realize that it's not worth it, do you not try to fix the problems that your balls started.
Joxbi: ?
DigitalSpank: because girls horomones have a hard tiome forgiving
DigitalSpank: time
DigitalSpank: gimme my 800 bitch!!!
DigitalSpank: =) jp
DigitalSpank: obviously
Joxbi: not always....and I think that your answer to that question was bullshit.
Joxbi: half true and half not.....
DigitalSpank: hmm
Joxbi: let's say you were in love with me
Joxbi: right?
DigitalSpank: RIGHT! =D
Joxbi: and your balls were like "woah, what are you doing with that when you could do soo much better?"
DigitalSpank: my heart woud override my ballz
Joxbi: and then after some amount of time you realize you couldn't do any better
DigitalSpank: in the most romantic way possible =P
Joxbi: i'm not done wait a second.
DigitalSpank: oh ok
Joxbi: would you or would you not try to get back with me....
DigitalSpank: i would
Joxbi: okay now....the 1000pt question.....I doubt you're prepared but i'm dying to know
DigitalSpank: ok
DigitalSpank: 7inches!
DigitalSpank: o wait what?
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: jk!
Joxbi: why was my cousin not worth overriding your balls emotions.....7 inches.....nope, sorry.....tooo short....just playin'
Joxbi: :-)
DigitalSpank: woah doggy
Joxbi: woahhhh doggy
Joxbi: what you said it.....
DigitalSpank: well its not the same with nichole
Joxbi: how's come?
Joxbi: actually, I might know.
DigitalSpank: guess for me
Joxbi: Was it because of all the trouble she's been in?
DigitalSpank: no
Joxbi: is she not good enough for you?
Joxbi: not hot enough?
Joxbi: Not smart enough?
DigitalSpank: none of the above
Joxbi: wait let me keep guessing.
Joxbi: i'm decoding your mind.
DigitalSpank: wow this isnt nichole is it?
DigitalSpank: oh ok
Joxbi: no.....it's not NICOLE.....jeez, boy you can't even spell her name right....memorize this though *KAYLA* not hard at all.
Joxbi: Was it because she's older than you?
Joxbi: OOOOOOOooooOOo
Joxbi: oh oho hohohoh
DigitalSpank: no lol
Joxbi: I know it........
Joxbi: it's because she was WAY more into than you were.
Joxbi: right right? :-)
DigitalSpank: your getting warmer
Joxbi: how much warmer can I get?
Joxbi: ...
Joxbi: .
DigitalSpank: theres more
Joxbi: i'm hot....you're right.
Joxbi: :-)
Joxbi: enlighten me.
DigitalSpank: lol u are
DigitalSpank: well as much as she liked me and i didnt wana hurt her...
Joxbi: What can I say....I try.
Joxbi: *to be hot*
DigitalSpank: and as hard as i tried to make her my one
DigitalSpank: she just.......wasnt
Joxbi: Oh.
Joxbi: well then.
Joxbi: I see.
DigitalSpank: and i dont wana hurt her
DigitalSpank: im in trouble now huh?
Joxbi: you could've been easier on her.
Joxbi: you know that right?
Joxbi: Well, maybe you couldn't then....but.
Joxbi: I don't know.
DigitalSpank: welcome to my world
Joxbi: and you're not in trouble....it's your emotion.
Joxbi: thank you.....where will I be staying at in your world?
DigitalSpank: ive got a double....
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: double?
Joxbi: :-)
DigitalSpank: bed
Joxbi: right......
Joxbi: I've got a.......hot bod.....just waitin' for a cutie like you to wrap around my finger because of it.
DigitalSpank: oh im ready
Joxbi: I'll bet.
DigitalSpank: wait how old are u anywa?
Joxbi: guaranteed too young for you.
Joxbi: lol.
Joxbi: bet this whole convo seems like a big waste of time....
DigitalSpank: about 4?
Joxbi: just kidding.
DigitalSpank: no not really
Joxbi: no....i'm 14 which I guess isn't too young for you
Joxbi: but.....I do live in Clay City.
DigitalSpank: not at all
DigitalSpank: carmel clay?
Joxbi: No.....close to Terre Haute.
DigitalSpank: i c
DigitalSpank: grade?
Joxbi: yeah...sorry....
Joxbi: 9
Joxbi: no
Joxbi: that was supposed to be an 8
Joxbi: sorry
Joxbi: it's dark in my room
DigitalSpank: quite alright
DigitalSpank: your quite articulate for an 8th grader =)
Joxbi: I'm really intelligent....
Joxbi: you're quite not for a sophomore
Joxbi: :-)
Joxbi: just kidding.
DigitalSpank: now whos an asshole =)
Joxbi: hey
DigitalSpank: i uh,.,,,,meant me =)
Joxbi: earlier you said you had a way with words.....say something sweet.....
Joxbi: or honest....or extremely smart.
Joxbi: put something on my mind.
DigitalSpank: i cant just summon them
DigitalSpank: love has to inspire tehm
DigitalSpank: them
Joxbi: what?
Joxbi: I"m not lovely enough for you?
Joxbi: I'm not inspiring enough? I see how it is.
DigitalSpank: prolly too lovely
Joxbi: you've no idea.
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: i'm not talking to you though until you say something perfect.
Joxbi: take your time though
DigitalSpank: im sorry lol but love isnt somthing i can just turn off and on, believe me i wish i could, and without love, no meaningful words
Joxbi: say something intelligent then.
Joxbi: not romantic or lovely.
DigitalSpank: im sorry im notta middle school wonder like yourself but for my words to have meaing i need purpose
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: alright then.....
DigitalSpank: i never said i was smart
DigitalSpank: scroll up to the spelling =)
Joxbi: I know you are....you had to be....unless you got dumber after last summer
Joxbi: nicole doesn't date dumb people
Joxbi: you should at least know that......and I don't either but......
Joxbi: the point is I don't think you're dumb....at all.
DigitalSpank: good point =)
Joxbi: which one? I made like 12 up there... :-)
DigitalSpank: true =)
DigitalSpank: well have i answered all your questions?
Joxbi: ummmm....almost.
Joxbi: what did you think of our conversation tonight and shall we have another one sometime soon.....on different subjects of course...but, you understand.
DigitalSpank: hate to end such a player conversation but i have to go soon
Joxbi: It's okay....so do I.
DigitalSpank: i did enjoy it
DigitalSpank: next time i get to hear about ur love life
DigitalSpank: oh goody
Joxbi: oh goody for you.
Joxbi: You might be surprised.
Joxbi: actually, i'm sure you will.
DigitalSpank: whys that?
Joxbi: because as lovely as we both know I am.....I don't date often.....I choose to believe it's because I deserve a lot more than this town has to offer.....or it's because i'm not worthy of some lovin'.
DigitalSpank: prolly the first 1
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: that self esteem booster was free the next ones gonna cost you =)
Joxbi: let's hope....but, I should probably let you get your beauty sleep....i'm sure you need it....I don't NEED it persay....but I enjoy dreaming....so sweet dreams my lovely little ass
Joxbi: and self esteem isn't something that costs me much.....I get it alot....it's the truth part I have trouble with :-)
DigitalSpank: ouch
DigitalSpank: ouch ouch and owie
DigitalSpank: maybe u dont desvere any love
DigitalSpank: =) but im sure youll get it anyway
Joxbi: do you honestly believe that I dont?
Joxbi: :-)
DigitalSpank: yes
Joxbi: I mean, come on it is me.
Joxbi: I'm special.
DigitalSpank: lol i say that all the damn time
DigitalSpank: i mean, cmon its me
DigitalSpank: i always say that
DigitalSpank: so ur not allowed to
Joxbi: oh really
DigitalSpank: theres a one person per 80 mile radius rule
Joxbi: and what exactly are you going to do to stop my perdy lil mouth from spouting off cute one liners like that?
Joxbi: and no it's a 73 mile radius rule if anything
Joxbi: that's what I thought.
DigitalSpank: use my ever purdyer little mouth thats what
Joxbi: :-)
and what exactly would your mouth do to mine? huh? tell me that, sweets.
DigitalSpank: take u on a damn good journey thats for sure
DigitalSpank: ask nichole =P
Joxbi: apparently that's all she ever got to do with you.
Joxbi: ;-)
DigitalSpank: yes mam
Joxbi: was that by choice or consequence?
DigitalSpank: consequence
Joxbi: I see....
DigitalSpank: and i didnt have to copy paste that to spell it right
DigitalSpank: so dont even think it
DigitalSpank: =)
Joxbi: maybe someday i'll get the privilidge.....you're precious
DigitalSpank: maybe =)
DigitalSpank: and how be i precious?
Joxbi: :-)
Joxbi: You met me an hour ago and you're already fallin' so hard I can almost hear the wind....
Joxbi: It just reminds me
DigitalSpank: im fallin? ha
Joxbi: of how perfeect of a person I really am.
Joxbi: way to be.....a
DigitalSpank: perfect right u cant even spell it =)
Joxbi: .....
Joxbi: no.
Joxbi: I meant to do that....
DigitalSpank: u gotta be a pretty big rock to make me fall
Joxbi: *cough*
DigitalSpank: wow u remind me so much of my self its crazy
DigitalSpank: stop copyin me
Joxbi: I'm not a rock....more like a big puddle of water.
Joxbi: you copied me telepathically and didn't even know it.
DigitalSpank: uhhhhhh thats a negative
DigitalSpank: well hey hottie i gotta go
Joxbi: alright boy.
DigitalSpank: and u know ur fallin outta control
DigitalSpank: so dont even try it =)
Joxbi: enjoy your dreams tonight cause I know they'll all be of me.
DigitalSpank: caught me
DigitalSpank: as will i in yours
Joxbi: and you won't even be able to get me out of your head long enough to fall asleep
Joxbi: at least for awhile
Joxbi: I'll kiss you in your dreams I promise
DigitalSpank: =)
DigitalSpank: later
Joxbi: Goodnight, MY boy.....
DigitalSpank: yes mam =)
Joxbi: :-)
|
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| Up Ahead In The Distance.... |
[Friday | 10:27 am | April 9th] |
|
Up ahead in the distance I can see my past in which the days were so lazy...just spent with my parents before they started "talking" all the time....I remember the nights when my mum used to go to work and my pops and I would listen to "Hotel California" by the Eagles and I would dance upon his feet and I felt so big and yet so safe and small all at once. I remember dreaming of the day that I could drive a car because all I was allowed to drive now was a lawnmower. I remember eating salsa and chips and playing the quiet game to get more salsa and chips because I used to talk so much when I was little...about nothing at all, but it meant so much to me then...Now all I can seem to do is remember when I had no worries...It's been so long since i've been able to relax in every sense of the word...i'm not even sure I remember what it feels like to be a teenager and to be relaxed all at once...as I listen to the song I realize that everyone grew up on this song and yet, it seems, everyone else still has the good memories of childhood but they've also got the good memories of the past years spent as a teenager and I don't have that. And I wonder why I'm going through all of these things that no one understands...it's not just the typical teenage things, either, it's court systems, and judges, and probation officers, and it's insanity all balled up into one thing...the system. And the system has failed so many people but it's never been so apparent to me. I also remember Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers.....and I know that no matter what happens I won't back down....You can stand me up at these gates of hell and I won't back down...I will do and get what I deserve...I promise.
|
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| My Biggest Fear.... |
[Friday | 9:22 am | April 9th] |
Dear God,
Please be with me as I begin this journey. Help me through all of my obstacles and let me achieve with as much gracefulness as I can. Please enlighten my mind with wisdom and free my spirit and body from sin.
In your name I pray.
AMEN.
--camie
|
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| Ryan Sharp...... |
[Thursday | 18:08 pm | April 8th] |
while listening to "say it ain't so" by Weezer we're chillin' outside of the auditorium in the performing arts hallway before they had all the construction...sittin on one of the benches....one of us is high and the other is clownin' on the stoned child while feeding her velamints.....*nummy*
CareBearThuggin: I love you, my darling ryan.
magicalpadre: ooooh nicole
magicalpadre: the first time we hung out
CareBearThuggin: yay, you remembered.
magicalpadre: well.... i g2g..... but i love you nicole and i wish you luck with every thing and we will hopefull see each other soon.
--my ryan.
"We'll runaway together and we'll never feel bad anymore."--Weezer
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| These are the people I want to surround My life with... |
[Thursday | 17:54 pm | April 8th] |
dammit, dammit, DAMMIT.
to be terse, this sucks major ass.
all i can think of doing to help is offering a place to stay in a few months, when i'll probably be out in san diego.
actually, who knows where i'll be, but i'll recieve BAH and BAS (hopefully, both allowances for housing and food) and i'll be able to shelter her for a while. mebbe even get a psych tech to hel her out...iunno.
i've always been frustrated at her situation and am even more so now that i'm far away and can't do anything about it.
~~
maybe my mom wants another foster kid? i could talk to her, i mean, my room is empty, ted needs someone to play with, and i don't know...
*sigh*
tell nicole i love her and and feebly thinking of ways to figure something out.
--grant brown 4/8/04 I love you too Grant....*xoxoxoxoxoxoxo* I'm always gonna pimp that John Deere too....please believe. :)
|
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| Dear Judge.. |
[Thursday | 12:18 pm | April 8th] |
Clouds are coming as the air gets heavy and it looks like trouble on a rainy day...I didn't have any other options available to myself.
I had to get away from everything at my school and in my life that were driving me crazy and deeper into the insanity that is Nicole Dorman's life. It's my fault that i've gotten into so many of the things that I did but it's not my fault that the options that should be available to me weren't there. It's not my fault that i've got no one who can tell me what's going on inside my head other than the "typical teenage angst" because I don't honestly believe that anymore, I can't. I know that there is something wrong and I believe that by getting away from all of it will make my life fall into place. Even though by getting away from all of it I have to give up some of the many freedoms that I should be able to enjoy, it was something I had to do. I'm sorry, so, so, sorry for the way my mother must'e felt when she came home from doing laundry and her daughter wasn't there. I'm so sorry for that and I hope that one day she can, please, forgive me. I didn't run because I was trying to get away from my house-life. That was actually the one place things didn't seem so bad however, with everything else that was going on, being at home wasn't even an outlet anymore. The 'things' just kept following me and chasing my mind until I gave in.....I'm so tired of wearing my insides out. Everybody knows everything about me and I know too much to just go back and let it all go. That was the problem. There was no other way to get away from it for at least 3 more months and even then, what would I do? Just say goodbye. Had I stayed I quite possibly would've killed myself because I coudln't do it anymore...I wish I were dying. Because anything would be better than this feeling that I have right now...anything
I will dig a hole
Save my pennies for a rainy day
I will dig a hole
Savin pennies for a rainy day
I'm not scared
I will build a wall
Sensing trouble from a mile away
I will build a wall
Saw it comin from a mile away
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearin your insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
I will just play dumb
I won't hear a sigle word that's said
I will bite my tongue
Never sing another song again
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearing my insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
Now they want to take my chances
I don't even try
Clouds are comin
Air get's heavy
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Sun starts sinking
Can't see my shadow
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Holes uncovered
Walls will crumble
All spells trouble on a rainy day
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| Infinitely interesting is what I am.....Even though you may not believe me. |
[Thursday | 9:14 am | April 8th] |
There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the lighter was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something, someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
I don't know exactly what to say...it's just crazy how things have turned out and when I look at the past...it's insane. I don't know how it got to this point. I hate this world and many of the people in it and if you're reading my journal and you don't like me maybe you should stop....because I probably don't like you either...so don't waste your time on me. Anyway, the point to this entry is that I don't understand how i've become this person that I am...I don't even know who it is but I don't like it...I can't stand being at Pike anymore it's driving me into the ground so quickly that the only way I could stop it anymore was to leave...be mad at me if you want because it wasn't about you it was about me...it was my choice...there were better ways to fix myself but this one just kind of hit me and it's going to work...please pray to whatever it may be that you believe in that I will get the help I need...thank you.
--camie
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| Drive me to the harbor... |
[Wednesday | 15:06 pm | March 17th] |
Let's get drunk you can drive us to the harbor Wish upon a star but do you know that stars are? Balls of fire burning up the black space falling from the landscape exploding in the face of God.
Matt I like your words...they make me happy.
--camie
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